i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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