I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
