Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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