I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
