You made me cry and you don't even care
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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