my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
