dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
