Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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