The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's the barista slut.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
