if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize