he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
