I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
