as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize