Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
