Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize