I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
