Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
