I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
