Your mouth is God's brothel.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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