you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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