Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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