From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
