Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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