Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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