I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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