Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
