Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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