he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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