I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
