so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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