Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
