wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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