I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
