You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
