toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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