Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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