Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
