I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
