I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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