sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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