I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
