Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
