remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
