yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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