I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
