Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
