Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
