At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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