Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
