loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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