First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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