I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
