I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
MIDGETS
????
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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