toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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