I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
