Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize