You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
