you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
