I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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