i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize