Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
