lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
