im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
