Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
