Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
