my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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