you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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