we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am available for nakedness
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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