Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize