It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
