areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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