I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
