shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
