Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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