This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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