Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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