found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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