i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
