stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
