Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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