My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
