I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
