remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
