I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
