And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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