as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
