I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
